Wassup! Wassup! Tony Blair! Tony Blair! Tony Blair! Our fave P.M.

When your eyes roll back Into your skull And you foam at the mouth don't say (Don't say I didn't warn you) When the panic sets in And hallucinations begin Remember what I told you No, stay away from the digits that make you hyperactive No, keep away from the colours and lights as your world collapses You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again? You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again? It's just a matter of time Before they take effect And you shudder and sweat You'll be a nervous wreck Regret spreads across your face Room starts to sway You're not coming back Uhhhh hyperactivity spawns from your foolish mistake I'll live my life wondering how things would be If you hadn't taken E You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again? You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again? 1 2 3 GO You can't stop this wave of emotion To and fro I'm lost in the ocean I tried To feel better I'm breathing faster Forget every word I've said Silence the voices in my head You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again? You say that we are both the same But it's never been that way Drifting apart right from the start Will I see your face again?

What happened to the days of old? Nowadays it seems we're all sensitive souls Don't say that! You might offend someone If you've been triggered then I'm holding the gun, bleh When did the whole world suddenly fall apart? How did it all come to this? Why are you so hurt by everything? Just listen to other viewpoints without screaming Social justice It is so meaningless So brace yourself (trigger warning) Got no time for your feelings anymore You disagree with my position Maybe go online and start a petition? You've got a view on everything But in reality nobody cares what you think Stop for just a second and look at your life There's bigger issues than you When did the whole world suddenly fall apart? How did it all come to this? Social justice It is so meaningless So brace yourself (trigger warning) Got no time for your feelings anymore So if you feel affronted by this song Then maybe you've been one of them all along Got no time for your feelings Social justice It is so meaningless Social justice It is so meaningless So brace yourself (trigger warning) Got no time for your feelings anymore Anymore So buck up buttercup

Hey there! It didn't take me long to find you I saw you on the train home I've appeared from out of the blue But now I'll never leave you alone Click on the follow button Go on make my day If you don't, it'll be the worst mistake You ever made (you ever made) I favourited 14 of your tweets And that panda GIF was pretty sweet Scrolled through your photos, I like them a lot And your profile picture? I took a screenshot And it was very hot Ahaha haha, guess who found your Instagram? Like! Like! Like! Like! Like! Like! I can't take you ignoring me You and I were meant to be I follow you on Tumblr, my urge is getting stronger A Facebook friend request, cos I think you're the best I add you to my Skype, but you never reply You block me from your Twitter, but I'll just follow you home I'm outside your house I'm right outside your house Just come say hi to me That's all I'll ever need And please , don't call the police.

You're oblivious to what's around you You built a wall and it surrounds you I've been pushing and trying hard to get through But it's clear you don't even want me to You run from reality as always To leave the life that you haven't made Use different means for your escape Invent other reasons to get away But you know the cost of how things stand So think, what is the price to change? When will you recognise The reasons that pertain to why you are Disconnected from the world? Clutch at straws ad nauseam Find out what you are meant to live for So think more clearly while this is easy You'll see for yourself When will you recognise The reason that pertains to why you are Disconnected from the world You need to find some clarity And learn about yourself while you're on the way If I could reach you now here's what I'd say I know you're capable, stop hiding But you know the cost of how things stand So think, what is the price to change? You know you can succeed, overcome this doubt Neglect is acting as your cage When will you recognise The reasons that pertain to why you are Disconnected from the world? Clutch at straws ad nauseam Find out what you are meant to live for So think more clearly while this is easy You'll see for yourself When will you recognise The reason that pertains to why you are Disconnected from the world You can't run forever and your time's wasting away You could flourish brightly if you just apply yourself With new perspective I know that You'll never be the same again Past old horizons, don't look back You'll never be the same So now you must discard The reasons that pertain to why you are Disconnected from the world Push through all neglectfulness Live out what you are meant to live for So don't forget me, it's not that easy, you'll see for yourself When will you recognise The reason that pertains to why you are Disconnected from the world So don't forget me it's not that easy You'll never be the same

You're on the phone with your girlfriend She's upset She's going off about something that you said 'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do I'm in my room It's a typical Tuesday night I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like And she'll never know your story like I do' But she wears short skirts I wear T-shirts She's cheer captain And I'm on the bleachers Dreaming about the day when you wake up And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time If you can see I'm the one who understands you Been here all along so why can't you see You belong with me You belong with me Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself Hey isn't this easy And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down You say your fine I know you better then that Hey what you doing with a girl like that She wears high heels I wear sneakers She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers Dreaming about the day when you wake up And find that what what you're looking for has been here the whole time If you can see that I'm the one who understands you Been here all along so why can't you see You belong with me Standing by and waiting at your back door All this time how could you not know Baby, you belong with me You belong with me Oh, I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night I'm the one who makes you laugh When you know you're about to cry And I know your favorite songs And you tell me about your dreams I think I know where you belong I think I know it's with me Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you Been here all along so why can't you see You belong with me Standing by and waiting at your back door All this time How could you not know Baby you belong with me You belong with me You belong with me Have you ever thought just maybe You belong with me

Hey jerk - off you go! Nobody likes you it's all just for show You're a knob and your IQ is low And would you stop calling everybody 'bro' Bro! You are insufferable And unaccountable I'm fighting for my sanity You're irresponsible I'm gonna take control But it might bring out the worst in me Hey! Hey! You punch girls in the face Hey! Hey! And you never say grace Hey! Hey! You like to think you can twerk You do a great impression of a jerk Hey jerk - what's up dude? My mum hates you and she thinks you're rude You took a dump on my grass just because you could And everybody's seen your snapchat nudes You have a small Brain (You have a small brain) You are insufferable And unaccountable I'm fighting for my sanity You're irresponsible I'm gonna take control But it might bring out the worst in me Hey! Hey! You punch girls in the face Hey! Hey! And you never say grace Hey! Hey! You like to think you can twerk You do a great impression of a jerk Hey! Hey! You set fire to my dog Hey! Hey! And you killed my pet frog Hey! Hey! You took its carcass to work You do a great impression of a jerk Ya piece of jerk! Jerk Great impression of a Jerk You should see me twerk Great impression of a Jerk Grumpy butt.

Donald Trump Every time I see your face I need a Tronald Dump And you don't care What everybody says about your hands or your stupid hair BRO I don't know how but he's the nominee For the Republican party, the presidency Mexicans, Muslims and women too Ya better cover and duck because he's coming for you Pedalling truths which are blatantly lies And what's on his head because I think it died Better watch out if you are a female And Hilary Clinton he's gonna throw you in jail So here's our message... Donald Trump Every time I see your face I need a Tronald Dump And you don't care What everybody says about your hands or your stupid hair Cos you wanna run the USA You wanna make America great You're gonna build a wall, a hundred feet tall And you're sexist and racist and all of Europe hates you Creepy comments about underage girls And walking into dressing rooms at Miss World Calling Obama the 'founder of ISIS' If Trump is elected, let's call it a crisis Misogynistic, xenophobic too And Putin's his friend which is totallyyyy cool The media suck and the election's rigged His excuses come in, as his ship begins to sink We know you're clueless... Donald Trump Every time I see your face I need a Tronald Dump And you don't care What everybody says about your hands or your stupid hair Cos you wanna run the USA You wanna make America great You're gonna build a wall, a hundred feet tall And you're sexist and racist and all of Europe hates you You got something on your mind You speak about it all the freakin' time A country you feel is the very best So let's get it off your chest CHINA BREAKDOWN Donald Trump Every time I see your face I need a Tronald Dump And you don't care What everybody says about your hands or your stupid hair Cos you wanna run the USA You wanna make America great You're gonna build a wall, a hundred feet tall And you're sexist and racist and all of Europe hates you You wanna run the USA You wanna make America great You're gonna build a wall, a hundred feet tall And you're sexist and racist and everybody hates you And everybody hates you Sexist and racist and everybody hates you

I lost my trousers while I was catching a Bellsprout in George Square And I need my sugar puffs "But Mr Babby, they're not sugar puffs no more!" What? So what are they called? They're so sugary and puffy. "Tee hee hee they're called honey monster puffs!" Honey monster Jigglypuff? I haven't caught one of those yet I need my trousers But I left them in George Square What is the difference between a seagull and a baby? (We don't know) One flits along the shore Architecture! Topographical! Feminism-eh! Generic breakdown Architecture Raaaaaaaaah Ballack, why did you miss that? Did Post Van Persie steal your cereal? Do postmen like them anymore, because the name has changed? I lost my trousers, and Ballack missed a sitter Well, if only there was a player there to score the tap in... *Anelka Anelka* Oh wut? Oh.

COUNTRY SINGER VS FLAMBOYANT COLIN SAMURAI VS MACBETH ROBOT VS GENERIC TOWIE CHARACTER I love nothing more than my truck my girl and drinking lots of beers Ain't got no time for sucky baggy jeans or all you stupid queers My girlfriend is my sister, but we've been dating seven years So back the heck off mister or I'll shout at you til you're in tears Eh-squeeze me? What was that? Better quit your moaning also you are really fat Your dog pure hates ye and he wants to be a cat They're fabulous like moi and your girlfriend's such a slat My dog has been my best friend since I found him in a ditch And don't say that 'bout my sister gosh you're such a little jerk Oh ma goodness, how dare ye ya yank? I'm off for a bath and then I'll maybe have a... latte Shut up princess man, you know this is how I roll Who you callin' princess, at least am no on the dole? Listen here you little punk, I'm gonna grab my gun I'll use my rainbow powers to protect me from you, son! LA DUH DUH LA DA DUH Good morning I am samurai, do you like sushi? I very skilled with sword I am I chop things up you see Sumo wrestlers aren't so popular here but in Japan they're very big Dishonour on you be cos your face looks just like a pig What up witch, the name is Macbeth I am thine own salvation but alas your verbal death I'm the king, and these rap myths I've been debunkin' I'll stab you with my rhyme like I did to poor old Duncan! Slow down! I don't understanding what's this language You teach me words, I teach you how to make a spam cheese sandwich Double double toil and trouble, time for you to burn I'll fish-slap you with Shakespeare and then Engrish you shall learn! I am strongly influenced by Buddhism and also zen Hold on ya cheeky scamp I'll buy your mother for five yen I have to go now; farewell you strange old man, hiy I'll see you in battle where I'll rhyme until you die! LA DUH DUH LA DA DUH Initiating rap battle program I am a robot My shortest path to rap success will leave you as an afterthought As far as robots go there is no-one that is like I, For I excel at every task, data, binary, mark up, lists and pi Hello Mr Roboto, you've given my head an owie I'd rather listen to a neverending episode of TOWIE You're like the gross love child of Steve Jobs and David Bowie I'm off to the gym so just shut up right now-ie! Your end will be accelerated cos your tech is so outdated Antiquated, obfuscated, fated to be obliterated Man you're so stupid, I'm far more cleverer Throw up ya fists cos I'm the Essex Floyd Maywevvevver You drone on like a child, where is your mother (board) You know who you're talking to? Mate I'm a lord! You clearly do not function and a tutor you should call I've had enough of you mate let's settle this once and for all! INITIATING DEFENCE PROTOCOL No m8 wait noooooooo not now noooo stop the pain stop the pain *monologue from James MacDonald*

Spiraling down out of control - a sight to behold Then a light streaking past my eyes Mere seconds seem like a lifetime Is this my lifeline? A flicker of hope in the darkness Awaiting rescue Descending further into madness A forgotten corner of the universe is where I lay my head, but I forget Nothing escapes from this empty place Disappearing into the horizon Sink deeper into this blackened space Gravity pulling me in Lessons I've learned to accept the inevitability of my eternal fate It's too late, but it's not hit me yet Like a meteor crashing into the earth Devastation beyond comparison Like a meteor crashing into earth A lost cause: I'm lost because I had no direction A pointless endeavour, where I disappear into the black forever Nothing escapes from this empty place Disappearing into the horizon Fall further from the stars again Gravity pulling me in What happened here? Can I pinpoint the origin of my descent? As I reflect on days not well spent As I walk the line between life and death Still falling down out of control - a sight to behold Then a light streaking past my eyes Mere seconds seem like a lifetime Is this my lifeline? A flicker of hope in the darkness Awaiting rescue Descending, descending Further in the light starts to fade I can't fight it, this is my fate Gravity pulls me in This is the end - can I start again? A parting message to the masses: I'm leaving, but will I be remembered by you? Don't let this concrete be the only reminder of the man you once knew